HUMAN BEINGS HAVE BASIC NEEDS

By Olivene Godfrey

Most of us regardless of how self-reliant we are, believe that, "No man is an island...", that we all have a need for other human beings in our lives. And, most of us need to be needed by at least one other person. I think there have been people who have literally died because they felt that no one in the world cared for them.

All human beings have basic psychological needs. When these needs aren't fulfilled, a deep-seated restlessness is produced which may develop into a deep depression. Often such persons may appear to be adapting well to their environment. Yet, inside there is a deep nagging, longing, because their psychological needs aren't being fulfilled.

The most important basic need is love. Even those who seem to hate everyone else have an inner desire for love. Everyone wants to receive the affection of at least one other person. To receive such affection makes us feel valuable and that we are important.
Love adds a warmth and richness to what is otherwise dull living.
Without love a person finds himself in a vacuum-experiencing emotions of distress, lonesomeness, and longing. And, these emotions are constantly with him- night and day.

Thousands of words have been written advising us how to find that most basic need- love. Not being a psychologist or a philosopher (except as an amateur who has a love for wisdom)
I don't pretend to know the answer. One psychologist tells us we should give more than our share of love and affection to others, and then we will be loved. Franklin wrote that, "if you want to be loved, be lovable".

While respect must be earned, love comes unbidden and therefore remains a mysterious force. We can't explain why we love. But, I believe that lasting love is known only by an act of self=denial.

Human beings are complex and need many things. Freud said that man wants most of all to be loved. Adler believed the most important need was that man feels he is significant. Then, Jung believed security was the most human basic need. All three are valid needs.

Because complete security is an impossible thing many people worry themselves into a state of insecurity about security.
They are sure disaster is just around the corner in one of its endless forms. And, such people, regardless of how little they actually have to worry about never know a feeling of security.

Another important need is for recognition. Everyone needs to feel that he and his efforts are appreciated, especially appreciated by those for whom they strive.

Sometimes a man may leave a very good position only because his efforts are not appreciated. Then, the housewife may sometimes feel that she is not appreciated. When you consider the amount of time she spends on the job, with work that never gets done, she has the toughest job in the world.

An important need is self-esteem. Those who lose all self-esteem may find themselves eventually in a manic - depressive state. To avoid such a state we should remember that everyone is special-that you are as good as I am; I am as good as you are, and we are as good as everybody else.
See you next time.

REMEMBERING JOAN....

By Olivene Godfrey

When my sisters and I heard that our sister, Joan Barker of West Palm Beach, FL, had died on October 19, 2004, our hearts were broken and our lives will never be the same again. Joan was a spunky, tiny lady, who had experienced great personal tragedy and become a stronger person who cheered and comforted others in the family. She also had a fiery temper at times and it was best to stay away from her then.

My sisters, Joan's twin, Jeanette Cooper, and our youngest sister, Dianne Vaughn, all have our own special memories of Joan. The past few days I have been remembering our childhood and young adult years when we had such good times. Joan had a keen sense of humor and was fun to be with and our mother who died four years ago often spoke of Joan's cute little giggle that came out in her conversations.

Although Joan and I have not lived near each other since our young adult years, we have stayed in close touch via letters, phone calls and occasional visits. For a number of years, Joan and I have exchanged e-mail letters almost every day. And, I know for the rest of my life I will miss receiving her letters which arrived right up to the final two days she lived. Somehow, her amazing strength helped her type that last letter when she was near death. When I was caring for my husband, Ralph, before his death two years ago, Joan's e-mail letters were the highlights of my days.

On the morning when Joan died, the weather outside was dark and stormy and that morning I paced the floor, crying and feeling so helpless since my poor health prevented me from going to West Palm Beach. Joan's English-born daughter-in-law who took care of Joan when she became confined to her bed called me and suggested I write a eulogy for Joan. I felt that was something I could do for Joan so that afternoon with tearful eyes, I wrote a eulogy which was read at Joan's memorial service.

Joan was a person of great determination and wanted so much to walk again. And several friends and relatives have said this week they believe Joan is walking in heaven now.

Joan's family did everything they could to make her happy and comfortable during her final year. Joan loved football and they had DIRECTV installed so she could watch her beloved Pittsburgh Steelers play games every Sunday. Last Sunday, she was near death and she watched the Steelers win their game and was pleased, Annie told me.

Joan's birthday was October 13th and her family dressed her up and took her to a fine restaurant for her birthday day dinner of steak and the trimmings and she wrote me the next day that she enjoyed the evening very much.

A memorial service was held at Joan's West Palm Beach home October 23, 2004, and the Hospice chaplain she liked conducted the service. Joan's son, Rex, and her daughter, Connie, and Annie all told me that the UPS man delivered a package at the house during the ceremony. Rex laughed when he saw the package as Joan often ordered items on line and the package contained some Christmas gifts for the family that she had ordered. He thought that Joan would have liked having them delivered at that time and he explained to the many people who had come to the house to pay their final respects to Joan what had happened. They all had a good laugh and the service continued. All of the family told me the service was beautiful. And while the people there enjoyed refreshments, Annie said it was like a celebration of Joan's life.

So long for now, Joan. I hope to see you again one day.

See you next time.

PATIENCE IS IMPORTANT TRAIT

By Olivene Godfrey

Patience is one of the most important of all human traits. Yet, so few of us put it into practice. When we want something, we want it Now!

Patience can be a tough, challenging ingredient. Sometimes we dislike hearing the old cliché, " Patience is a virtue."
But, it can lead to a life of peace and accomplishment.

No matter what problems you are facing, patience has proven to be a proved solution. Often when we are disappointed we want to surrender, to give up. We feel frustration, and sometimes anger that clouds our minds, and we become panicky and often make our problems more complicated.

When we need to be patient it's a good idea to remember people who have achieved great success by practicing patience. We all know the story of how Thomas Edison tried 1,000 times before finding just the right filament to use in the light bulb.
He cheerfully told the person who asked him how he could justify 1,000 failures in a single project, " Why, now we know 1,000 ways it won't work". And, it's a good idea not to focus on our failures but on the ultimate rewards of patience persistence.

Another enemy of patience is the tendency to lose your cool in a crisis. It isn't always easy but I learned early in life that if you make yourself act calm in a crisis, that calmness rubs off on others around you.

I'm sure most parents have discovered that if they remain calm when a child is injured, the child will not be so frightened.

Sometimes you become aware of the value of patience by hearing about it from a wise person or by observing it in the lives of other people. There are some things in life that we can't rush. We can learn a lesson in patience by observing nature.
The sunrise cannot be hurried and nothing can alter the rhythm of the tides.

Many of us get discouraged and quit a task after a few trials.
But great people are patient and they work hard at their jobs, striving to do their best. Maybe that is why they are great people.

Most people find themselves faced with problems during their lifetimes. If a problem is haunting you. The only way to stop worrying about it is to come to terms with it. Solve the problem. If you can, with whatever help you can get. But, if it is one of life's insoluble problems, and many people have those, we may have to adjust to it as part of our personal "bucket of pain." And that requires the greatest patience.

Almost everyone has some problem that does resist solution.
And you can wear yourself out worrying about such problems. You can either rise above them or solve them.

This is good advice: "The secret of patience is doing something else in the meanwhile." - The Sun Dial.

See you next time.

DOCTOR VISIT, DIET & WEIGHT LOSS, LITTLE KINDNESSES MEAN A LOT....

By Olivene Godfrey

Two weeks ago, I saw my doctor for a serious bladder infection and she considered admitting me to the hospital. But I "doctored" myself at home, with son Barry's help. And, yesterday I saw the doctor for a follow-up visit and received a clean bill of health, Thank God.

I also received good news. On September 4th, I started a diet to help control a blood-sugar problem. And, according to the doctor's scales, I have lost nine pounds. If I can continue to lose, I may be able to wear some of my old, small sized, 1970s clothes, which are back in style again.

Basically, my diet consists of cutting out all sugar and potatoes and limiting amount of bread I eat. Except for those things, I eat most other foods. It is a diet I can live with rest of my life, which is the only kind I can stick with for over a few weeks. I have always had a sweet tooth and there are so many delicious substitute sugar products on the market that I can easily satisfy my sweet tooth and still keep my blood-sugar tests normal.

SUNRISES-- I have been watching our gorgeous sunrises as the sun comes up over our mountains. And, as always, I thank God for giving me the vision to see such beauty from my front windows.

Barry has done a lot of cleaning and home improvement projects the past few months & some much needed cleaning in my office. He removed an old couch and took landfill and packed away a stereo that I rarely listened to and created an open space in the office I needed. We still have more work to do in the office, such as cleaning out an old large filing cabinet, but it is good to have projects during the winter.

SMALL KINDESSES-- All of us know that if it were not for the little kindnesses, the helping hands that we receive from those who touch our lives daily, we would fall more often and much harder.

A few years ago there was a delightful story in the news about a man, who at that time was in his 70s. This man credited his youthful looks to his veteran yardman.

It seems that the yardman didn't do a great deal of work. But, his employer said he was a good laugher. And, the elderly gentleman would sit around his house and tell the yardman jokes and he would laugh at them. But, the nicest thing about it was that the yardman would forget a joke in a week (or, so it would appear to his boss), and the elderly man could tell the joke again to him.

It's a lucky person who has something to give his fellowmen and also the ability to receive it. Such a person has faith in good and peace of mind when he thinks not how lucky he is, but how blessed.

See you next week.

HEREDITY VERSUS ENVIRONMEMT ????

By Olivene Godfrey

At various times, most of us wonder what makes people, including ourselves, act the way we do. And I've had some interesting and lively discussions with people about the importance of heredity and of environment on the personality of human beings.

We all know that personality has some heredity factors in it, like physical vigor, energy and looks. Each person has certain characteristics that he inherited from his parents, grandparents and other ancestors.

Many of these characteristics are already functioning at birth.
They include body build, coloring, sight, hearing, and glandular and nervous systems. These and other heredity characteristics
Make up the base equipment from which every personality develops.

We can't underestimate the importance of heredity that every person does inherit his basic mental ability, which determines the capacity to learn. Infants show distinctive characteristics,
Such as one baby responds slowly, and is usually calm and relaxed. Then, another baby may always be alert and respond quickly to everything around him.

But, most psychologists tell us that disposition, happiness, interest in others, and positive and negative attitudes toward life are largely, if not mainly, of the ways in which you have been brought up, or what you have done with yourself since childhood. They believe we can do a lot to improve our personalities.

I've heard, and been involved in debates as to which is the most important - heredity or environment. And I don't underestimate the importance of either.

Children have a strong tendency to imitate the behavior of those around them. This imitation is seldom deliberate or intentional.
Many mannerisms, especially those of a child's parents, become a model that children unconsciously use to pattern their own behavior. Often a child imitates others because of admiration. Or, the child may imitate them because it gives him a feeling of importance.

The way that a child patterns his behavior after others is an important explanation of a personality develops. The child who is exposed to music, art, books, before he enters first grade has a head start on those children who have been culturally deprived.

Environment produces and affects such personal qualities as attitudes, ideas, moods, manners and sociability. These characteristics may be modified, or changed partly or entirely, as a result of experience.


And, environment includes people as well as places such as the school, the home and the neighborhood. The influences of family,
Friends, neighbors, teachers, and classmates are all blended into the personality of a growing child.

The thinking and behavior of those around us help influence our ideas, ideals, and gestures, ways of speaking, and our opinions and prejudices. It's important that we try to understand our own personalities. Help for undesirable traits can be found by talking them over with someone- a friend, counselor, or doctor.

See you next time.

RECENT ILLNESS--SHOPPING TRIP & MORE ABOUT BENEFITS OF OATMEAL.

By Olivene Godfrey

I am recovering (I HOPE) from my first and I pray my last bladder infection. I think it was coming on me for about a week as I didn't feel well and then I started having horrendous chills that frightened me until I started hyperventilating, scaring me,
And Barry, half to death. Barry, bless him. Was a good nurse, taking my temp when it soared up to 103 degrees and giving me Aleve and bringing me cold drinks until the fever was down. Trouble was, the fever kept coming back. S, in the end, I did what I should have done a few days earlier and that was to go to my doctor.

The diagnosis was a bladder infection, which shocked me as I had, incredibly, lived to an advanced age without ever having one and didn't know what the symptoms were. I was given a prescription for an antibiotic and have been taking it and feel a lot better. I go back to the dr for a follow up visit a week from today and hope I will be pronounced well and fit.

I have been on the low carb and low sugar diet for a month now and my blood sugar tests have been fine the past few weeks.
I have lost five pounds and would have liked to lose more but guess it is better to lose the weight slowly. I haven't missed any of the foods I have had to give up, as I am able to find most of them in low carb or no sugar products at the grocery store.

To perk me up, Barry took me to Chattanooga yesterday (Sunday) to eat lunch at the Piccadilly and we took my wheelchair along so we could browse a while in the Hamilton Place mall.
He says after the big lunch he eats up there, he needs to push me around in the mall for exercise.

After we ate, we window-shopped and were amused that all the latest fashions in the windows are straight out of the 1970s styles. One big difference was the prices.

I bought a couple of pairs of sweat pants at Sears as with propane gas prices soaring we will need to keep the heat turned down low this winter and I will be wanting to dress warmly.
I also bought a mattress pad at Sears that is something I had put off doing and it is a new fangled one that is so comfortable I could kick myself for not buying it sooner.

It was a good day although I was tired when we returned home. But, I went to bed early last night and feel better today.

ABOUT OATMEAL-- I have written in the past about how eating oatmeal every morning lowered my cholesterol dramatically, and yesterday as I scanned the USA TODAY magazine, I spied a news item that sparked my interest.

In the feature, "Eat Smart" by Jean Carper, she states that, in new research, "Mohsen Meydai of Tufts University found that oats contain compounds, called avenanthramides, that may suppress the ability of blood cells to cling to artery walls, where they incite inflammation, plaque buildup and. eventually, a possible heart attack."

See? I told you months ago, there are good reasons to eat oatmeal every day. When I had my annual physical exam this past August, my cholesterol was down even more so the oatmeal benefits continue to work.

See you next time.