By Olivene Godfrey

BUILDING A BOAT AND MORE IN THE GOOD OLD DAYS....

One autumn day, back in the early 1950s, my late husband, who was in his 20s at the time, was a genius when it came to working with his hands, and he decided to build a small motor boat on our large enclosed back porch during the winter months. He nearly always accomplished his goals and was confident he could have the boat ready to launch in the lake by the spring. Never mind that he had never built a boat and to my knowledge had never known anyone who had. He didn't let that stop him from buying the materials and starting work on his project.

Since we had owned a television set, Ralph had become the most avid fan of it than anyone I had ever known. But, that winter, he gave up watching his favorite T.V, shows so he could devote all of his time working on the boat. And he did have the boat ready to put in the Tennessee lake where the locals fished and enjoyed recreational activities. He had printed my name on the boat and it was launched and floated beautifully.

Meanwhile, my sister, Jeanette, and her husband, Charles had bought a small cabin cruiser and they and their two children joined us most every Sunday that year on the lake where we enjoyed the water and sunshine and boating and fishing and the men skied. We wore our swim suits under our shots and shirts and packed picnic lunches and that was the beginning of several summers we spent on the lake. We would find a good spot on the lake shore in a bay and one night we camped out and during the night the rains came down in torrents but our spirits weren't dampened and we enjoyed the next day at the lake.

One Sunday, the men decided it was high time Jeanette and I learned to water ski. We weren't enthusiastic about it but donned life jackets and got fitted with the skis. We were young and daring and thinking we were fearless, I couldn't manage to come up out of he water, as sports had never been my forte, and I was sputtering and thinking I was drowning when Ralph rescued me. Next, it was Jeanette's turn, and amazingly she came up out of the water and was doing a pretty good job of gliding across the lake. She said later, she was terrified but was to scared to try to stop and she started screaming at the top of her voice for Charles to stop the boat. Her voice, sounding off with explicit language, rang across the lake. Finally, Charles stopped the boat and Jeanette was furious when she returned to the shore.

My sister, Joan, and her family also joined us some Sundays at the lake and we all had a great time. Ah, those were the good old days when we were young and carefree and it frightens me now when I remember some of the risks we took. For instance, one vacation day, Ralph and I took the small boat out in the Tennessee River and were oblivious to the dangers.

By Olivene Godfrey

DON"T GRUMBLE AND COMPLAIN

Since I have a lot of time to meditate these days, I was thinking this week about people who reveal failings and deficiencies better left unsaid? Sometimes we say, " Oh, this outfit is terrible," or when we are complimented on our appearance, we say, "I just look awful today." Sometimes we may be unconsciously fishing for compliments.

And there are those persons who suffer from chronic self-pity.
Every sentence they utter reveals an inferiority complex. Then, I guess most of us just talk too much and in the midst of uncontrolled chatter little derogatory confessions are apt to slip out.

Someone said that if people would imagine their slurring remarks directed against themselves were spoken by someone else this might bring about startling results. Guarding against self-depreciation can improve your morale and your self=respect.
Most of us know someone who is physically deformed or someone who suffers from pain or someone who is carrying a huge burden of disappointment and yet they never complain of their troubles.
To everyone, except those closet to you, your troubles are usually a bore.

Shakespeare said, "All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players." And perhaps all of us need to remember the rule of the theater, "The show must go on." and play our roles in life without apologies."

A word of praise spoken at the right time can produce wonders. The story is told of an actor who dreamed he played before a crowded theater and while he was receiving a fabulous salary no one applauded or laughed at his performance. And for him the dream was a nightmare. And without some praise and encouragement any one of us can lose all self-confidence.

There is an art to giving compliments. To praise someone for an obvious achievement, is not really a compliment. Try to be original when giving compliments. And it goes without saying that sincerity is an essential factor when giving compliments.
Look for the praise-worthy and the human need for it.

Perhaps if we would remember that it is better to give our bouquets to the living than to wait until it is too late we would not leave unuttered a sincere compliment that would make someone happy. Perhaps children need reassurance most of all.
Sometimes parents are quick to rebuke a child when he misbehaves and slow to praise him when he does behave. The person who masters the art of giving compliments will find that the giver is blessed as much as the receiver.

GOSSIP AND EMBARRASSMENT....

By Olivene Godfrey

Most of us have painful memories of "most embarrassing moments".
And while some of those moments can't seem to be avoided, there are some things we can learn from, and we can try not to let some awkward situations get us down.

It doesn't embarrass me any longer if I don't know how to pronounce a word. I just ask someone I know about it and this usually makes the person I ask, feel good, too.

I came across a word recently which is new to me, or I don't remember seeing it before. And this is strange, as the definition of the word describes me far too well. The word, "logorrhea" means abnormal talkativeness.

And because of this condition, I've had some embarrassing moments, not knowing when to keep my mouth shut, but I learned some lessons from those awkward situations.

For one thing, I learned that when you live in a small town, you never, but never, say anything critical about one native to another. Chances are you will be talking about Aunt Lulu, or cousin John or sister, Sue, or some other relative.

Long ago, in another part of the country, I made a critical remark about an individual. (This was in a small town.) "Do you know her," I asked. The reply which silenced me was, " Yes, she is my sister." WOW! what do you do then? I tried to make as graceful an exit as was possible under the circumstances. And, because of my remark a friendship with a lovely person never developed.

So, not only did I learn about small towns, I learned it's wise not to gossip in the first place. But, if you are going to anyway, be sure there aren't any relatives around. You could wind up with more pain than just an embarrassing moment.

More about embarrassing moments. I remember hearing about the girl who following a dinner date with a man she really wanted to impress, and disappointed that he hadn't kissed her goodnight, looked into her mirror, and to her horror, discovered that a piece of spinach was stuck to one of her front teeth. How do you top that one?

By Olivene Godfrey

In the October Good housekeeping online survey, thirty percent confessed they have lied about how somebody looks. I'm certainly not going to get into the moral aspects of telling little, white lies. I suppose there are persons who believe a little lie is the same as a big, whopping one.

However, I think more highly of the person who out of kindness resorts to the little lie than I do of the person who prides himself on being perfectly honest regardless of how much pain his honesty causes others.

Persons who are brutally frank sometimes seem to enjoy inflicting pain on others. Most of us know individuals who are consistently tactless in their dealings with others and insist that, "the truth never hurt anyone."

I can't agree with that statement. Most of us know the truth about ourselves and family members. We know our vulnerable spots and we certainly aren't helped when others insist on pointing out our weaknesses to us.

And those who do have emotional blind spots aren't going to appreciate or be helped by a tactless remark concerning them. I guess in the long run kindness and basic honesty go together.

A reader said she would sometimes like to reply to some of my philosophies about life and I invited her to do so in the future. If you agree with me, I would be delighted to hear from you. If you disagree with me or have other ideas I certainly would welcome them.

Comments may be made to olivene21@netscape.net

By Olivene Godfrey

WHAT IS A KISS?

How would you describe a kiss? Columnist Hal Boyle once quoted an eminent psychologist as giving this answer, " Anatomical juxtaposition of two orbicular obis muscles in a state of contraction." I say, Fiddlesticks!

The Greek poets had a better answer. They called a kiss, The Key to Paradise. But, the poor Japanese don’t even have a word for it.

The origin of the kiss dates back to the earliest stages of human existence. Some authorities claim that the kiss developed because primitive man believed that the air he exhaled had magic powers and by kissing each other, other men and women, mingled their souls.

Writers of poetry and prose have written thousands of words describing the kiss. Margaret Fuller wrote," It was thy kiss, Love, that made me immortal." But Swift said, " Lord, I wonder what fool it was that invented kissing." Arthur Mortimer said, " A man may sometimes be forgiven the kiss to which he is not entitled, but never the kiss he has not the initiative to claim."

Bob Hope once said,” People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy."
And ole Anonymous said, " Some women blush when they are kissed; some call for the police; some swear; some bite. But, the worst are those who laugh."

Nearly all romantic customs can be traced to primitive and early practice designed to ensure- by magical rites and armed force - the fertility of marriage.

Perhaps you have heard this legend. Since God created woman out of one of Adam's ribs, men have been searching all over the world, seeking their missing rib. The story goes that some men never get hold of it and they rationalize their failure by calling themselves confirmed bachelors. Others actually find a "rib" but soon discover it isn't theirs which is why it doesn't fit. Both parties are disillusioned and often experience pain and agony.

But, there are the fortunate ones that do retrieve the rib which belongs to them and thus become once more "complete" with all the happiness this implies.

Then, the Orientals once believed that the blue bachelor button flower could foretell a happy marriage. It had to be picked early in the morning and not looked at for 24 hours. If still fresh and "true blue" it meant that the young man had found the right wife. But, if the flower was withered, the wedding plans were called off.

By Olivene Godfrey

SENSE OF HUMOR IMPORTANT....

Almost everybody agrees that a sense of humor is important. And, a few years back, a survey showed that virtually everybody prides himself on his sense of humor, whether he has one or not.

Some psychologists report that men and women tend to have different ideas about humor. The experts say that men tend to favor hostile or sarcastic wit -- humor that has an aggressive bite to it. Women though tend to stress humor as a stratagem for pure fun and amusement.

I've found that the type of humor a person likes tells a lot about that person, man or woman. I find outlandish wit funny. Sometimes I'm the only person around me who thinks something is funny. Anyone can cultivate the ability to perceive the comic element in situations, in people and in himself. It may take some doing but no effort will pay greater dividends.

For a well-developed sense of humor enables us to get along with people better, to adjust more easily to difficult situations, and as one specialist has pointed out, the ability to laugh at oneself is great value in providing a release from mental and nervous tensions. My husband who passed away last year had a dry wit that helped us survive his final years. And my son, Barry, inherited that wit and often sends me into laughter.

Psychological studies show that people who make the best showings on sense of humor tests are the most self-aware, have the most sensitive insight into their innermost feelings, and cherish the fewest illusions about themselves. Their sense of humor enables them to face cheerfully the fact that they're far from perfect.

By Olivene Godfrey

DO DREAMS REVEAL OUR PERSONALITES ?

Some dream authorities are convinced that the dream state is
a natural arena from which the product of creativity may emerge.
And evidence of the relationship of dreams can be found in the
experience of scientists and artists who have used their dreams
for creative purposes.
Robert Louis Stevenson as a youngster discovered he could dream
complete stories. But, even more amazing he could go back to
them on succeeding nights to change an un-satisfactory ending.
Stevenson's "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde " was a resist pf a dream
he had of a fleeing criminal who drank a potion that changed
his appearance.
Writers and poets have used dream material in their poetry and
prose. Some of these are Goethe, William Blake, Dante, Voltaire,
Leo Tolstoy and Edgar Alien Poe.
Some musicians, such as Robert Schumann, Mozart, Vincent d'lndy
said they first heard some of their music in dreams.
Some people remember their dreams more often than others. Dream
authorities say this is related to variations in personality
and situations, rather than actual time dreaming. Persons who
study dreams have found in testing that more creative persons
describe highly imaginative dreams. Unimaginative persons tend
to have dreams that take place in everyday situations.
Human beings have long been intrigued by what takes place in
our minds while we sleep. Early people believed that that dreams
were actual visits from the gods or that their souls traveled
to distant places.
Despite the great advances made in understanding the psychology
of dreaming, we haven't progressed very far in investigating
the psychology of dreaming. But, modern ego - oriented
psychologists believe that the manifest dream does reveal the
dreamer's personality. They think the manifest dream serves
as mirrors of the self.
ON a personal note, my sister, Jeanette, claims that her dreams
often warn of impending doom of various family members, while
some of us may be skeptical, we don't want to be in her dreams
just in case she is right about her predictions.

By Olivene Godfrey

NEW YEAR REALLY BEGINS IN FALL....

A beautiful song speaks of as how our lives grow shorter so it seems the days too grow shorter. And, the seasons swiftly roll by. The days are still hot but already there is hint of autumn in the air. And, it seems like only yesterday we watched with awe the rebirth of spring.

I have heard people remark that perhaps Labor Day should be the first day of the year. For most of us that last summer holiday weekend marks the end of one year and the beginning of a new year. The children are back in school and the tempo of our lives quickens with many fall activities.

Perhaps more than at the first of the year, the traditional New Year's holidays, we stop to consider what our own personal harvest is, and then the age-old promise to ourselves that next year will be better and more productive.

While we're busier in the fall, there's still time to savor the peace and serenity this season brings to us and to enjoy the scenery the master artist paints for us during this beautiful time of year here in the north Georgia mountains.

Now, I know it's possible to feel nostalgic about yesterday. But usually we think of nostalgia as being a part of other autumns. As I thought back this week, I remembered all that had happened in not only my personal world but in the whole universe the past 20 years. How did the time go by so quickly?
Looking back it seemed the years had clicked by as they used to show the passage of time in movies, with a flick of calendar pages.

"But the days grow shorter when we reach September...."
That realization could cause us to panic, to increase the tempo of the rat-race most of us are already too much involved with anyway.

Wise ones have told us that it's best to live each day as it comes and to grow old gracefully. I try to live each day as it comes but gracefully? I don't know. I think I may be an eccentric, ornery old lady who will be in that rat-race fighting right up until the end. I have read that a study of older persons showed that the more aggressive and ornery live longer than more gentle and passive ones. If that theory is correct, it knocks a hole in the growing old gracefully bit and gives me some hope.